Coping with Incest Recovery Pain - Peace is Possible!
The Pain of Recovery and Why to Persevere
I have good news and bad news, I prefer the bad news first so that the good news sounds so much better in contrast:
The Bad News for incest survivors:
Unfortunately for survivors of incest, abuse and trauma there is no way around the pain factor. There are prescribed drugs that can help you cope – and I used them as needed – but I never want to be forced into taking a medicine for the rest of my life IF there is another way. Suicide can be tempting but It is never the answer and you must not kill yourself. If you did you let Evil Win and the Abuser win, so if you suicide you let them win- so Don't suicide. Instead reach out… find help and safe relief – precious relief – from the pain and you can get past this, because you already survived the worst of it! I am someone who lived this horror and walked through this dark passage. I am telling you from personal experience that I believe you can get through this with help.
I am very strong willed. I am a survivor, and survivors learn to find a way to keep on keeping on. I have tried to figure a way around experiencing pain during incest recovery and counseling, but there is no way around it. And I know, because I've tried every short cut, every rabbit trail to get around the pain factor, and you just cannot escape the pain. BUT, and this is very important to realize-
The pain you experience during counseling and recovery is the releasing of the pain that you carried with you from the actual abuse. As you release the pain you have less of it inside of you, which means it has less control of you. It also means you now have room inside of your heart and mind for other positive, happy thoughts and feelings. For this short moment in time- Embrace the pain and grieve for your loss. Let go of the pain, let it flow out of you and set yourself free from the control of the past. There are safe ways to learn how to do this so you don't trigger an acting out episode of hurting yourself or worse.
Every time you let go of some of the pain you feel lighter inside. Now, if you are like me at that time in my life and you have tons of the pain in you, then you will cry oceans before you feel better. I reached a point in my grieving when I began to feel happier inside, like after so much grieving had passed I began to see an end to the tears.
The Good News:
It is a healing pain that ultimately leads you to peace. It can feel so bad, but you can let it go and be "FREE". Embrace this pain release so that your soul and your heart and your mind will have peace. Imagine your arms are full of pain and you’re carrying this around. You want to have joy, but you can't pick up and carry joy because your arms are full of pain. Let go of the pain and you will have room for carrying joy.
I want to also point out that our body holds physical memories. Perhaps you have heard of muscle memory in terms of exercise and such. But I didn't make the connection to abuse that my body was holding onto physical muscle memories. This came out in massage therapy, during regular massage, but most especially in myofascial release- a type of massage that focuses on more connective tissues. I began to have flashbacks of various brutal physical assaults upon me. Images that I haven't even thought upon in 15 years came flashing into my head and I began to cry. I asked the therapist what is this happening to me. She talked to me about muscle memories and how our bodies retain this pain. I was shocked and then I realized how critical it was for me after all these years to begin to release the physical pain stored inside my muscles. I would have preferred, I believe, to have done this way back when I was 17 years old and doing recovery... but better late than never right? Right! So I embark on a whole new journey of releasing physical memories stored in my muscles and ligaments. Touch Therapy is not something to embark on without being in counseling. You will need a solid base of new coping skills and support before you embark on this level, not for beginners.
Imagine a purifying fire (the pain release in counseling) and there is gold in the fire (you). But the gold has impurities in it (the damages from the abuse). The fire burns away the impurities but leaves the gold unharmed and more pure than before it went into the fire!
We are like Gold with Impurities! The fire seems like it will burn us up and destroy us… but it does not burn us up, and it will not destroy us. The fire seems to be something to fear and to run from but don't! Embrace it and it will burn up the impurities leaving you better than before!
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Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, you will rise up again whole and renewed!