Origins of Core Beliefs with Survivors of Abuse & Incest
Incest survivors must trade in old thoughts for new ones.
Once you start counseling for incest recovery, it’s very important to begin your stabilizing process. I was so lost, and so traumatized, and using any means possible to keep from losing my mind completely to the chaos inside of me. At the time I entered counseling for survivors of abuse, I was a complete wreck.
I couldn’t sleep without horrifying nightmares. I would try very hard not to fall asleep because I was reliving the abuse in my dreams. I had so much physical pain and emotional pain that I just wanted to escape, and was drinking and getting high so that I could numb myself from everything.
I was acting out in very destructive behaviors. I was very depressed and very anti-social. I was filled with rage and mistrust towards authority figures. My emotions were swinging from hysteria to shocking fits of rage. I would try to hurt myself at times. I was a complete and utter devastated mess. My thoughts were so rapid fire fast on so many levels because I was alternating between trying to process the chaos and to suppress the chaos inside of me. It was exhausting to suppress the rage, anger, shame… to suppress it all.
At times I just let it out, and it was frightening and out of control. I thought many times if I gave in completely to the tears, I would lose myself in the emotions and never come out of it sane. Which isn’t true at all but it sure felt like that would happen.
So, several immediate things are very important once you enter incest survivors, abuse or trauma counseling. It’s really important to address the most life-threatening situation first and for you to stabilize yourself and learn coping skills. For me, it was the cutting of myself, and the suicidal thoughts, and the very dangerous behaviors I was engaging in on a daily basis. This, in part, involved getting off the alcohol and drugs. I needed new coping skills and pain relief and awareness of the lies or core beliefs I was acting out on.
As I made the commitment to stop hurting myself and stop putting myself in risky situations, I began to realize how important staying sober was to actually achieving this new goal. I needed alternate pain relief so that I didn’t have to suffer, because I was hurting and deeply wounded… yet the wounds were inside of me.
But it was so much deeper than just saying: “I am not going to hurt myself anymore.” The desire to hurt myself was still very much alive, and screaming very loudly in my head like a tape that was set to replay over and over in my head. I was damaged and brainwashed by my father. I needed to be free from his control. But first I had to realize that I was being controlled by him.
This is a key element … how to free yourself from the control of the past.
The incest, abuse survivor often builds truths about our self, our world, and the people around us… which are based in part on how we felt, responded, and reacted to the acts of abuse… and in part based on the lies and manipulations from our abuser.
These incest recovery truths come from 3 different perspectives.
- The abuser’s lies are used to control us, which we take on as truths… and sometimes we build core beliefs about ourselves and our world based on these lies and manipulations.
- Our thoughts – as transformed from the abuse – are often warped out of context of the normal healthy world and, again, based in lies and deception which we often carry forward into adulthood.
- Our thoughts – unaltered by the abuse – that are naturally occurring but haven’t been impacted by the abuse, that again develop into truths and can be carried into adulthood.
How do you practically form new core beliefs and behaviors?
How do you not only identify but also Replace the Lies with the Truth?
How do you link The Resulting Behavior based on that lie or core belief?
How do you Build New Skill Sets?
A lie can became a core belief we believe and act out on it. I built my own truths on top of his lies… which perpetuated the abuse and was controlling my behaviors, actions and beliefs without me even knowing it. This is one example of countless possible ways our past continues to control us in the present.
But once you begin to identify how your past is controlling you and figure out what your knee jerk reactions or acting out or other destructive behaviors are stemming from How Can Incest and Abuse Survivors Defuse the Triggers? This another element or facet to the recovery process. I have a series of workshops that are available and covers everything in great detail.
Please check out my events/updates/workshops link for more information.
Incest recovery is not just about surviving the abuse… it’s about true deep healing and being able to flourish, and resume a life that is full of love, joy and peace. To become the amazing person you are and were always meant to be! You can overcome even these crazy odds.
As survivors of abuse, you can change the tide of abuse and incest throughout the world by stopping incest from passing from your generation into your children’s generation. Incest and abuse is a usually a generational abuse that passes down from generation to generation.
Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, you will rise up again whole and renewed!